[Jessie's been out of sorts since... basically everything that happened in the entire month of October. But Buzz and his actions in helping Fern are still grating on her and she really dislikes that they are. Jessie hasn't got the same skill in repression as the others have. She's not great at shoving her feelings down and pretending they're not there.
But she knows she can't let those particular feelings spill all over Buzz, either. He shouldn't be made to feel cruddy just because she feels cruddy. She's pretty sure that would be unfair. And so, blissfully unaware that Woody has already had a super fun conversation with Buzz already, she's turning to you, bro.]
Hey. You around? To talk, I mean?
[At some point she will regret this and wish she'd reached out to Bo- but them's the breaks.]
[Oh, Woody feels plenty of guilt in not being around enough to always keep them all out danger (and isn't that just an impossible task, when the entire town is armed to the teeth in ways to kill or hurt both humans and toys alike). It's not like he hasn't noticed how worried the others get; he gets worried about them, too. It's not like he hasn't noticed that they're collecting scratches here, little rips there. Scuffs on boots and cracks in plastic. He's honestly still having miniature panic attacks over the fact that Bo needs to tape her arm on — and that hasn't even happened here!
But here he sits, having found a spot in the backyard on a patio table to sit and think.]
Of course, Jess, you know I'm always around to talk.
That's good, didn't much feel like racing around town chasing after you all over again . Hang tight, I'll be there in a sec.
[And because woe betide she use the door like a normal person, Jessie is just gonna exit from one of the second floor back windows and slide down the drainpipe - making a leap from there to the patio. Superhero landing and everything.
Isn't it great that the people you love most in your life have so little regard for their own personal safety, Woody? I bet that's great. She wanders over to sit beside him, playing with her hands a little- a sure sign things aren't all that peachy in Jessietown. ]
[She does better than him. Buzz and Jessie seem to always land on their feet — Woody has a habit of being all flailing legs and stumbling on the landing, if not just falling right on his face. It's the attempt that counts, right? He glances at her hands before meeting her eyes.]
Uh — Hey!
Is everything... alright?
[Spoken with the implication they both know something's not alright.
But sometimes you just have to cautiously crawl into an unpleasant conversation.]
[The attempt absolutely counts! It is always a brave and noble attempt on his part. ]
Mhmm-nope. No. I don't think so? I- I mean, I don't know if it's a genuinely bad thing or if it's just me and my- [she waves her hands in front of herself to try and find a word to encompass the scope of her general emotional damage and fails.] My everything.
[Her hands meet in the middles again, clasping and unclasping. It's fine, she's fine.]
So I need you to tell me if it's something I should be worried about or if I'm blowing it outta proportion like I do, okay? 'Cause as irritating as you are with it- you're pretty good at callin' me out when I do that.
[She's willing to accept it and conceded some ground to him on their eternal sibling battle of stubbornness here. This once.]
[He looks as worried as she does now, because oh god, what could this possibly be about? He's having a number of nightmare scenarios in his head that this place conjures just by virtue of it being Deerington.]
Hey — look, if it's something getting you worked up, there's probably something to it, even if it's 'your everything'. You said it was about Buzz, right? Is he okay?
[Because as much as Woody can be the one to worry over, Buzz has his fair share; let's not forget the reset, or the Spanish mode, and lord help him when Buzz had been through his identity crisis.]
He's okay. [No, that's... not strictly true.] Or he's repressing pretty dang hard, anyway. Like he does.
[Because Buzz is really good at bottling everything up inside and just keeping on keeping on while the rest of them tend to do the exact opposite of that.]
Do you know Fern? The grass kid? Have you met him yet? He uh... he got sick, from the moon, last month.
[That... makes sense. Fern isn't human, he would be a good person to test the proverbial waters with. A small smile crosses her face.]
Yeah. He's a good kid. And he's fine, now.
[She didn't see him sick, but she saw enough people with the moon sickness to know it wouldn't have been a good time for him. She pulls her braid over her should, fingers threading through it - some good old fashioned displacement activity. ]
Cures for the sickness were given out by those creepy doctors that the rats loved so much. Buzz...uh, he got a cure for Fern. But it cost him his heart. [Then, quickly, because she knows exactly what would freak Woody out plenty:] Temporarily, he's... back now. But for a while, he was kinda... empty. Like he was just going through the motions.
[Thank god she'd mentioned temporarily, or else he'd probably be having a miniature heart attack right now and talking a mile a minute trying to figure out what in the world happened while he looked away, how to save Buzz from this new horrible predicament.
But back now. It's a relief, and his shoulders relax a fraction almost immediately after they tense.]
He what? Are you sure he's alright?
[How do you even perform a check-up on hearts, especially for toys who don't have literal ones?]
He said he was, and I believed him. He seemed better than he was, when I saw him after he slept for a while.
[If it's done any permenent damage is yet to be seen. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried about that. ]
I know he did it for a good reason, and lord forbid any of us every try to stop Buzz Heckin' Lightyear from doing some great and noble deed, but- [and this was the issue, the part she kept getting stuck on] but I was really worried about him. And... I don't know. A little hurt, I guess? That he risked his heart that way.
[Because she has a vested interest in that heart. She's trusted him enough to anchor her own to it, and for a brief, horrible moment, it was gone. It churned up all her old abandonment scars and she did not care for that for a second. ]
Which makes me feel awful because he did it to help a kid. I ain't got a single right to be upset about it and yet [she raises her arms a little] here I am.
[He frowns. Should he feel a little hurt, too...? Concerned, yes, but for him — well, for Woody, he know he'd have done the same thing Buzz did, without question. He knows his friends have big hearts, and they're better than him in so many ways because of what they're capable of, what they're less self-centered about than him... There's not a lot of doubt that Buzz would do whatever he could to help a kid. Fern's a good one, too, and deserves that kind of protection.
But he hardly blames Jessie for feeling like that. He puts a hand on her shoulder, instead.]
Hey — none of that, now. Don't beat yourself up.
I'm the king of doing the very thing you're talking about. Remember, back when we separated at the daycare...? I'd said some things I really regretted to you all. And I didn't have a right to be upset about you guys finding something good there at the time... but I was upset anyway.
I think... being aware of it's the important part. Knowing how you feel, but knowing it's not that simple, and realizing no matter what we're feeling, the important thing is making sure we're looking out for each other after.
[And that had been the problem. Would she have given her own heart in Buzz's place? Possibly. For the right kid- but she doesn't know if she could have done it a selflessly as he did. There's always a small sliver of her that's so guarded- waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because life experience has proven that nine times out of ten, it does.
Still, his comment is enough to bring a wry smile to her lips as she huffs out a soft laugh.]
Yeah. I wanted to punch you a whole lot, back then.
[ She says 'back then' because it was over a year ago- but then she remembers for Woody it wasn't that long ago. A few months at most. That whole gosh-darned mess is so relatively fresh for him. He hasn't had the time to heal from it and move forward. ]
I didn't exactly make it easy for you.
[Which is about as close to another apology as he'll get. She did it ONCE and that's his lot. But she knows she was stubborn and made a stupid choice, then dragged the rest of them into it. Because she was determined not to be abandoned at the side of the road again. It was that whole other shoe thing, biting her in the backside again. ]
I know. And I sure wouldn't want him to feel bad about it. I think he's been through about enough already.
[One could argue he really hasn't healed from it and moved forward a year from now, huh? Or at least, Woody's figured out as much with Buzz's help (whether the toy wanted to or not). Buzz making him worry so tremendously now must be karma, after he'd gone and squeegeed the truth out of the astronaut. ]
We've all been through about enough lately, huh...?
Though I admit, I've... added onto that for him, myself.
[He hesitates, fidgeting with his hat.]
I don't know if he told you, but... he told me about everything.
About the Carnival, and finally finding Bo again, and — well, everything.
And there it was. She knew it was coming eventually- that she couldn't avoid this forever. She'd have very much liked to avoid it forever, but then would that have been fair on anyone else? Probably not.
She pulls her legs up to wrap her arms around them, hands meeting in the middle to quietly wring together. She hates all of this. She hates it so much. She's quiet for a moment, trying to actually think of a good response instead of blurting everything rolling around in her head as she usually does. Tact isn't her usual go-to, but darn it if he isn't going to try.]
He mentioned it, yeah.
[Cats out of the bag- there's no going back now. When Woody didn't remember, she could at least pretend some of it wasn't real.]
I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We didn't know why you couldn't remember at first, and then after that... I don't know. It felt kinder keeping you in the dark. Maybe that was a bad call, but we were trying to make it easier for you.
[He shakes his head, quick to dismiss the apology — not in a cruel way, of course, but in that way that he hopes will dry up some of that guilt she's feeling. A hand touches her shoulder in that old familiar way.]
It's alright, Jess. I know you guys just wanted to make sure I'd be able to handle it. I know this place makes it awful hard to want to... speak up about anything bad happening. [A sigh.] I've got to admit, I was angry at myself for a while after he told me what happens. Even if things get hard for me... I don't know. It felt like I'm going to do something horribly wrong, from where I am now.
[But he's also a little terrified at the thought of feeling directionless, and that he didn't have a purpose among the toys anymore. Not with Bonnie. And hearing about it when he's only known her for so short a time, it really plays with some old insecurities.]
[The hand on her shoulder does ease some of the growing tension. Woody always good at heading off her anxiety as the pass. She lets out a slow, shaky breath- drawing on some calm to try and get through this conversation without flipping out.]
You didn't do anything wrong. You worked so gosh-darn hard to keep us all together- and we are happy with Bonnie. She's a great kid. But she isn't Andy, and I think... I think that was the problem. I don't think any kid could love their toy as much as Andy loved you. Bonnie didn't play with you so much, and I think going away from Andy took a lot out of you.
[He'd been miserable and she'd noticed. She knew what it felt like to be discarded, and she'd seen it in Woody. It had worried her every dang day that Bonnie passed him over. Worse, Bonnie very regularly favoured Jessie over Woody. There was no small amount of guilt churning away about that. That she somehow made it worse for him, even if it was beyond her control. ]
You just got more and more unhappy, and none of us knew how to help. Then you found Bo again and you - you found something to focus on again. You've always put everyone else before yourself, everyone. Heck, you were willing to go to Japan to keep me out of storage and you knew me for what? Two days? So yeah. You finally decided to do something for yourself, and not one of us begrudge you for that.
[It would be impossible for her to hate him for finding happiness. He saved her in every way possible, and as much as she hates him not being in her life back home. Knowing she'll likely never see him again there, he deserves this. He deserves to be happy. ]
[He's not sure what to say to that, really. He's awed, grateful for her words, especially during a time in his life where he's never been more uncertain of the future. He knows he can be selfish... make stupid choices because of his own inadequacies or lack of confidence in something. After all, he'd almost gotten Buzz and him killed because of jealousy, what felt like forever ago.
But it helps, to feel like he's done something right. He breathes out, hands fidgeting in his lap.]
... I have to admit, the idea of finding her again... and being able to be with her, it makes something in here feel a little less heavy. [He taps the space above his nonexistent little heart, which just so happens to be over his badge.] Knowing she's okay out there... I can't understand it yet, being lost like that, but maybe someday I'll get it.
... We've got each other right now, though. That's important, isn't it?
Buzz has got Bo, and you, and me, so whatever's going on with him... we'll always figure it out and make sure he's okay.
[A smile crosses her lips, a little small, but still genuine. ]
Exactly. You can be happy out there- both of you can. And it looked like she had her own little gang of toys living wild. You got plenty of company.
[She never met any of them, he'll have to rely on Buzz and Bo to fill in that particular gap- but it's a bonus. Having a family, even if he won't be in hers again. Her smile grows a little bigger.]
Dang right! We all got each other, and we can take care of each through this whole... crazy place, enjoy it as long as we got. And try to keep Buzz out of trouble, yeah.
[That last one is pretty impossible. Her smiles fades again, as she hesitates, fighting a quiet inner battle with herself. She makes a decision, taking her hat off and pulling out the badge she's kept pinned there. It's a perfect match for his...largely due to the fact it is his. ]
In the interest of keeping things out in the open. You uh...gave me this. Before you left.
[Woody looks a little surprised, sure, but... there’s a weird feeling of a puzzle coming together, and as he slowly takes the badge from Jessie, he realizes that some part of him feels like this makes sense. He flips it in his hands, studies it silently for a long moment. It’s strangely bittersweet. But.]
Well... If there’s anyone I’d give this to, I think...
[A soft sigh, and a smile — and he leans over, gently pinning the badge to the front of her shirt.]
... You’d deserve to take over that title most of all.
[It still feels as heavy as it did when he first pinned it on her. She'd kind of hoped time would make it easier, but it hasn't. She treasures it, it's a reminder of him, a part of him she can keep with her when she can't keep the toy himself. But she knows it means more than that, and that's where the weight comes from. It's a mantel he passed down and she's not entirely convinced she deserves it.
She smiles a little at the title, still unsure, staring down at it.]
I still don't know why you picked me. I mean- I haven't made the best decisions for the group. Sunnyside was a disaster, and that one was all on me. We nearly died.
[Because she was stubborn and determined not to be hurt again. She was so desperate not to be abandoned again she made a rash decision and dragged their family along for the ride - and it nearly got them all killed. It's been playing on her mind since he gave it to her. She won't get the chance to talk about it with him back home- they parted so quickly. But she can here. ]
I don't know if I do deserve it. And I know, I know, I'm askin' for motivations for something you ain't even lived through yet. But... I don't know.
[He considers all this carefully, twiddling his thumbs where he sits.]
I think... I picked you because you care. You've got a big heart and a good conscience. Better than mine, even, I think. [He taps a finger on the badge.] I don't think I need to be from the future to know that what you're saying right now is just... another reason you're more than good enough for the badge.
... Heck, I've made a lot of mistakes, too. It's normal to be wrong sometimes.
How you fix things and move forward's what's important.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text un: bazooka jane
But she knows she can't let those particular feelings spill all over Buzz, either. He shouldn't be made to feel cruddy just because she feels cruddy. She's pretty sure that would be unfair. And so, blissfully unaware that Woody has already had a super fun conversation with Buzz already, she's turning to you, bro.]
Hey. You around? To talk, I mean?
[At some point she will regret this and wish she'd reached out to Bo- but them's the breaks.]
Text.
But here he sits, having found a spot in the backyard on a patio table to sit and think.]
Of course, Jess, you know I'm always around to talk.
Is something wrong?
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A little. It's something about Buzz.
Where you at? We should talk in person.
[The fact she's not talking about a Buzz subject TO Buzz is probably telling that something really is wrong right from the get-go. ]
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[A pause.]
And before you start worrying, there's not a rat to be seen.
Scout's honor.
[... Excuse him while he tries not to go gray over Buzz Lightyear potentially being in a spot of trouble.]
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Hang tight, I'll be there in a sec.
[And because woe betide she use the door like a normal person, Jessie is just gonna exit from one of the second floor back windows and slide down the drainpipe - making a leap from there to the patio. Superhero landing and everything.
Isn't it great that the people you love most in your life have so little regard for their own personal safety, Woody? I bet that's great. She wanders over to sit beside him, playing with her hands a little- a sure sign things aren't all that peachy in Jessietown. ]
Hey.
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Uh — Hey!
Is everything... alright?
[Spoken with the implication they both know something's not alright.
But sometimes you just have to cautiously crawl into an unpleasant conversation.]
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Mhmm-nope. No. I don't think so? I- I mean, I don't know if it's a genuinely bad thing or if it's just me and my- [she waves her hands in front of herself to try and find a word to encompass the scope of her general emotional damage and fails.] My everything.
[Her hands meet in the middles again, clasping and unclasping. It's fine, she's fine.]
So I need you to tell me if it's something I should be worried about or if I'm blowing it outta proportion like I do, okay? 'Cause as irritating as you are with it- you're pretty good at callin' me out when I do that.
[She's willing to accept it and conceded some ground to him on their eternal sibling battle of stubbornness here. This once.]
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[He looks as worried as she does now, because oh god, what could this possibly be about? He's having a number of nightmare scenarios in his head that this place conjures just by virtue of it being Deerington.]
Hey — look, if it's something getting you worked up, there's probably something to it, even if it's 'your everything'. You said it was about Buzz, right? Is he okay?
[Because as much as Woody can be the one to worry over, Buzz has his fair share; let's not forget the reset, or the Spanish mode, and lord help him when Buzz had been through his identity crisis.]
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[Because Buzz is really good at bottling everything up inside and just keeping on keeping on while the rest of them tend to do the exact opposite of that.]
Do you know Fern? The grass kid? Have you met him yet? He uh... he got sick, from the moon, last month.
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I know Fern, yeah. He's one of the first people here I'd opened up to. About being a toy.
... Is he — okay?
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Yeah. He's a good kid. And he's fine, now.
[She didn't see him sick, but she saw enough people with the moon sickness to know it wouldn't have been a good time for him. She pulls her braid over her should, fingers threading through it - some good old fashioned displacement activity. ]
Cures for the sickness were given out by those creepy doctors that the rats loved so much. Buzz...uh, he got a cure for Fern. But it cost him his heart. [Then, quickly, because she knows exactly what would freak Woody out plenty:] Temporarily, he's... back now. But for a while, he was kinda... empty. Like he was just going through the motions.
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But back now. It's a relief, and his shoulders relax a fraction almost immediately after they tense.]
He what? Are you sure he's alright?
[How do you even perform a check-up on hearts, especially for toys who don't have literal ones?]
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He said he was, and I believed him. He seemed better than he was, when I saw him after he slept for a while.
[If it's done any permenent damage is yet to be seen. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried about that. ]
I know he did it for a good reason, and lord forbid any of us every try to stop Buzz Heckin' Lightyear from doing some great and noble deed, but- [and this was the issue, the part she kept getting stuck on] but I was really worried about him. And... I don't know. A little hurt, I guess? That he risked his heart that way.
[Because she has a vested interest in that heart. She's trusted him enough to anchor her own to it, and for a brief, horrible moment, it was gone. It churned up all her old abandonment scars and she did not care for that for a second. ]
Which makes me feel awful because he did it to help a kid. I ain't got a single right to be upset about it and yet [she raises her arms a little] here I am.
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But he hardly blames Jessie for feeling like that. He puts a hand on her shoulder, instead.]
Hey — none of that, now. Don't beat yourself up.
I'm the king of doing the very thing you're talking about. Remember, back when we separated at the daycare...? I'd said some things I really regretted to you all. And I didn't have a right to be upset about you guys finding something good there at the time... but I was upset anyway.
I think... being aware of it's the important part. Knowing how you feel, but knowing it's not that simple, and realizing no matter what we're feeling, the important thing is making sure we're looking out for each other after.
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Still, his comment is enough to bring a wry smile to her lips as she huffs out a soft laugh.]
Yeah. I wanted to punch you a whole lot, back then.
[ She says 'back then' because it was over a year ago- but then she remembers for Woody it wasn't that long ago. A few months at most. That whole gosh-darned mess is so relatively fresh for him. He hasn't had the time to heal from it and move forward. ]
I didn't exactly make it easy for you.
[Which is about as close to another apology as he'll get. She did it ONCE and that's his lot. But she knows she was stubborn and made a stupid choice, then dragged the rest of them into it. Because she was determined not to be abandoned at the side of the road again. It was that whole other shoe thing, biting her in the backside again. ]
I know. And I sure wouldn't want him to feel bad about it. I think he's been through about enough already.
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the truth out of the astronaut. ]
We've all been through about enough lately, huh...?
Though I admit, I've... added onto that for him, myself.
[He hesitates, fidgeting with his hat.]
I don't know if he told you, but... he told me about everything.
About the Carnival, and finally finding Bo again, and — well, everything.
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[Jessie, ever the shining light of optimism.
And there it was. She knew it was coming eventually- that she couldn't avoid this forever. She'd have very much liked to avoid it forever, but then would that have been fair on anyone else? Probably not.
She pulls her legs up to wrap her arms around them, hands meeting in the middle to quietly wring together. She hates all of this. She hates it so much. She's quiet for a moment, trying to actually think of a good response instead of blurting everything rolling around in her head as she usually does. Tact isn't her usual go-to, but darn it if he isn't going to try.]
He mentioned it, yeah.
[Cats out of the bag- there's no going back now. When Woody didn't remember, she could at least pretend some of it wasn't real.]
I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We didn't know why you couldn't remember at first, and then after that... I don't know. It felt kinder keeping you in the dark. Maybe that was a bad call, but we were trying to make it easier for you.
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It's alright, Jess. I know you guys just wanted to make sure I'd be able to handle it. I know this place makes it awful hard to want to... speak up about anything bad happening. [A sigh.] I've got to admit, I was angry at myself for a while after he told me what happens. Even if things get hard for me... I don't know. It felt like I'm going to do something horribly wrong, from where I am now.
[But he's also a little terrified at the thought of feeling directionless, and that he didn't have a purpose among the toys anymore. Not with Bonnie. And hearing about it when he's only known her for so short a time, it really plays with some old insecurities.]
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You didn't do anything wrong. You worked so gosh-darn hard to keep us all together- and we are happy with Bonnie. She's a great kid. But she isn't Andy, and I think... I think that was the problem. I don't think any kid could love their toy as much as Andy loved you. Bonnie didn't play with you so much, and I think going away from Andy took a lot out of you.
[He'd been miserable and she'd noticed. She knew what it felt like to be discarded, and she'd seen it in Woody. It had worried her every dang day that Bonnie passed him over. Worse, Bonnie very regularly favoured Jessie over Woody. There was no small amount of guilt churning away about that. That she somehow made it worse for him, even if it was beyond her control. ]
You just got more and more unhappy, and none of us knew how to help. Then you found Bo again and you - you found something to focus on again. You've always put everyone else before yourself, everyone. Heck, you were willing to go to Japan to keep me out of storage and you knew me for what? Two days? So yeah. You finally decided to do something for yourself, and not one of us begrudge you for that.
[It would be impossible for her to hate him for finding happiness. He saved her in every way possible, and as much as she hates him not being in her life back home. Knowing she'll likely never see him again there, he deserves this. He deserves to be happy. ]
I'm still gonna miss you a whole lot though.
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But it helps, to feel like he's done something right. He breathes out, hands fidgeting in his lap.]
... I have to admit, the idea of finding her again... and being able to be with her, it makes something in here feel a little less heavy. [He taps the space above his nonexistent little heart, which just so happens to be over his badge.] Knowing she's okay out there... I can't understand it yet, being lost like that, but maybe someday I'll get it.
... We've got each other right now, though. That's important, isn't it?
Buzz has got Bo, and you, and me, so whatever's going on with him... we'll always figure it out and make sure he's okay.
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Exactly. You can be happy out there- both of you can. And it looked like she had her own little gang of toys living wild. You got plenty of company.
[She never met any of them, he'll have to rely on Buzz and Bo to fill in that particular gap- but it's a bonus. Having a family, even if he won't be in hers again. Her smile grows a little bigger.]
Dang right! We all got each other, and we can take care of each through this whole... crazy place, enjoy it as long as we got. And try to keep Buzz out of trouble, yeah.
[That last one is pretty impossible. Her smiles fades again, as she hesitates, fighting a quiet inner battle with herself. She makes a decision, taking her hat off and pulling out the badge she's kept pinned there. It's a perfect match for his...largely due to the fact it is his. ]
In the interest of keeping things out in the open. You uh...gave me this. Before you left.
1/2
Well... If there’s anyone I’d give this to, I think...
[A soft sigh, and a smile — and he leans over, gently pinning the badge to the front of her shirt.]
... You’d deserve to take over that title most of all.
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Sheriff Jessie.
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She smiles a little at the title, still unsure, staring down at it.]
I still don't know why you picked me. I mean- I haven't made the best decisions for the group. Sunnyside was a disaster, and that one was all on me. We nearly died.
[Because she was stubborn and determined not to be hurt again. She was so desperate not to be abandoned again she made a rash decision and dragged their family along for the ride - and it nearly got them all killed. It's been playing on her mind since he gave it to her. She won't get the chance to talk about it with him back home- they parted so quickly. But she can here. ]
I don't know if I do deserve it. And I know, I know, I'm askin' for motivations for something you ain't even lived through yet. But... I don't know.
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I think... I picked you because you care. You've got a big heart and a good conscience. Better than mine, even, I think. [He taps a finger on the badge.] I don't think I need to be from the future to know that what you're saying right now is just... another reason you're more than good enough for the badge.
... Heck, I've made a lot of mistakes, too. It's normal to be wrong sometimes.
How you fix things and move forward's what's important.
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